In February of this year, I realized for the first time that I didn’t trust God.
I didn’t want to give my life over to him, to fully submit to Him the future of my family and my children. I didn’t even realize I was doing it, but I was keeping them from Him, as if I could provide for them better than He could; as if the life I had for us was better than the one he had prepared. The first time I realized this, I didn’t know what to do with it. So I sought the root problem of why I didn’t trust God, and as it turns out, I didn’t believe that God was good, I was afraid he would send me where I did not want to go, and make my life miserable to teach me about himself in ways I did not want to learn.
It was a sobering realization that I didn’t know God the way I thought I did; a confirmation that I don’t have it all together spiritually.
I was talking to a friend of mine about it and told him about how I was hesitant to trust God because of what that meant, and how that really shook me up that I didn’t understand God in that way. His advice was so full of common sense and such a logical approach to faith, that it was impossible not to take it.
Why don’t you and your wife commit to praying about this. Ask him to show you himself and show you his goodness.
And that’s basically where it started.
A new understanding
God is supreme
Everything that exists on this earth was made by Him, for His glory and purpose. That’s just the way it is. Some people might say that God shouldn’t have the ability to do with us what he pleases, but the fact of the matter is that if they even begin from the presupposition that he is God, then they’re cutting off the branch they’re sitting on. I don’t care to debate this. My point is: God is God, he is the ultimate power, there is nothing higher than him, no other power above him, so whatever He says goes.
But he gives us a will, and freedom. Even the angels had a choice. And even some of them chose to rebel. I think this again speaks to the fact that he doesn’t want mindless robots, he wants a response of faith, loyalty, he wants us to see that he is a God worth our allegiance.
God is gracious.
Throughout history, God has invited us in to his plan and purpose. The bible is replete with examples of God showing himself to his people, then trying to remind them of how he showed himself. We easily forget, yet he is gracious with us when we do. He knows our weaknesses, our tendencies, he understands that we will forget, that’s why in the bible the phrase “Remember” is used so much.
How quickly we forget, and how frequently he forgives. We’re like babies sometimes, forgetting about him as soon as our attention is drawn elsewhere. yet he forgives.
God is love.
God loved the world so much, that he gave his only begotten Son, to become a baby, to live with us, to have bad days, and colds and heartaches. To be fully human and deal with everything that comes with it. To give up all the power in the world, to live 34 years on this fallen world, and be killed, then rise again in order to defeat everything that is broken in it.
God is love, any true form of love is a testament to the presence of God in our lives on this earth. The hope that we have, is his presence. And not just Christians, unbelievers too. He is present in all of our lives, constantly providing a way to himself, if you only begin to look. That’s why hell is so frightening, it’s more than likely not made up of fire, red demons and pitchforks. It’s the complete and utter separation from God, which no human has ever known on this earth.
And that is love. To provide yourself, your love, your forgiveness, your hand of comfort, to those who do not love you, even to those who hate you.
God is good.
I believe that now. And as much of my spiritual discovery has been, it wasn’t through ah-ha moments, but through simple things that happen then set in until all of a sudden I’m in tears about how wonderful He is.